Navigating Family Systems is an art that takes practice. In my view, it requires the attitude of a meditator. In meditation, we allow whatever arises in the body to be there. We do not hold on to pleasant sensations nor do we push away unpleasant sensations. Likewise with emotions, we find in our body where we feel them and allow them to be there. Ditto with thoughts, we allow them to be there. The thoughts can be happy thoughts, or sad thoughts, spiritual thoughts, or mundane thoughts. We don't censor [Ivan Kaplan, Meditation Facilitators Training, 2007].
The essence of meditation is an attitude of non-judgment. Judgment divides sensations in the body into good sensations, those worth cultivating, and bad sensations, those that need to be avoided. In a word Constellators are familiar with - we exclude. This attitude of not-holding onto pleasant sensations and not pushing away unpleasant sensations needs to be practiced regularly, especially if one is a Family and Systems Constellations Facilitator, because it is this attitude one must take into a Representation and into Facilitation of a client's issue.
If we extend this attitude into a client's Field, we will experience loss, pain, trauma and freeze as well as hate, desire to kill, and indifference to all life. We need to take this attitude of non-judgment to these places as we navigate, because it is this attitude which includes that which is excluded.
The secret places and hidden places of a Family System will open up if we can navigate our client's Field with this attitude. We will be able to trace those inner parts that the client hides, the family members that have been deliberately forgotten, and we (the Facilitator) will serve as an example for the system to integrate, heal, and come into balance.
It all starts with yourself and your own attitude of non-judgment, not holding on, not pushing away of whatever arises within your own body, emotionally, and in your mind. If we can do this with Presence and "Be Present With" whatever arises, it will bring tremendous capacity for release and healing to the system in which you are working. Presence itself is a powerful resource.
I love this article/post. It is so simple and such a helpful reminder. I love the reminder to start with ourself first and also the comparison with meditation and likening it to that. Very helpful.
Thanks Claire